As I sat on my bed procrastinating, literally doing anything
to avoid studying (eating even though I wasn’t hungry, listening to random
music I don’t even particularly like, watching films I must have already seen
about 20 times, etc) for my final year exams that crept nearer and nearer, it
began to worry me more and more why, while on the one hand I was mentally
stressing and freaking out, I didn’t seem to be too thrown off enough to cop on
and actually study.
It’s been like this for some time now. The idea that I will
be finished with this degree (at long last) in only a few short weeks, and then
out into the big bad world doesn’t bother me in the slightest! It’s actually what
I’ve been waiting for...forever!!! (Well...it’s felt like forever). I landed into this degree originally after
not achieving my first choice and thinking I’ll just do this and see where it
takes me. But I am extremely grateful for it. If I had managed to go ahead with
the original plan, I would probably be working in a full time job already, at
only the ripe young age of 22 (irritatingly catchy Taylor Swift song), although
my parents would be thrilled!!!
However...life didn’t work out that way (and I’m one of
THOSE people who believes, that everything happens for a reason...lame? I
choose to think not). If I hadn’t taken this pathway of life, I would have
missed out on all the incredible ups and downs of the last four years. I would
not have ended up being completely lost for a year, after failing a college
module and having to repeat the entire year with just two classes a week (the
result of a social life, enjoyed a little bit too much) but therefore deciding
after hearing of tales from an American friend (Americans...they all seem to
live such extravagant lives...where do they get all their money?!!), that I
would jump ship and head off to Italy for a few months, and teach English to
Italian kids!!! WHY NOT I SAID...Are you mad they said! It was something that
if you had told me a few years ago I would end up doing, I would’ve laughed in
your face!
I should point out...I do in some way think I want to be a
teacher. I love working with kids!
And if it hadn’t been for that life-changing summer, I
wouldn’t have figured out that English teaching abroad was waaaaaay more my
style than being the traditional primary school teacher back home in
depressingly-wet-all-the-time Ireland, which my beloved parents so wished for. But
no...I think I always deep down knew that wasn’t for me, even if it would
please THEM! (I’d like to make it clear though I do love Ireland, and my
parents, and it will always be my home, and it’s a beautiful place, GO
VISIT!!!)
I think of myself at the moment as a caterpillar of sorts(yes
a caterpillar, hold on it will make sense, I think)...waiting in my cocoon,
sometimes venturing out to test my wings, but in general waiting...waiting for
the exact moment to burst out and begin my crazy fun and random new butterfly
life, out in the supposed big bad world - although it’s not that bad, I’ve tested
it out from time to time - but I have this feeling, like I know I need to get
out there already...but which direction should I fly...? Should I briefly
venture out and then flutter back to the cocoon where it is nice and safe, an
option my parents might prefer, or fly off in random directions not knowing
where I’ll end up (hilariously a characteristic of butterflies one of my best
friend’s is completely terrified of, but that’s another story). The dilemma...
So as I sit here, listening to 16 year old Australian Justin
Bieber, Cody Simpson
(someone whose music I probably shouldn’t like, but wait...it’s growing on me, and
how bad? - in a completely unrelated topic I love ‘’The’’ Simpsons, ok back to
the story), when I should be studying my ASS off to make sure I actually do at
least pass these exams and have either option at all, I venture into another
MAJOR distraction of mine (one I think the majority of students will agree is
possibly the worst)...FACEBOOK!!!
Yes facebook you are amazing, a friend I probably spend more
time with than anyone else, the friend my parents will never understand and
say: ‘’that Facebook is a bad influence
on you’’...but you are a good friend, and helpful. So as I scroll down
through the endless mess of pointless statuses, pictures from drunken nights
out, memes, etc. I stumble across a link to a blog...
I never really understood blogging, and thought it was for
lonely old American women with 25 cats, and whose best friends are books. And
usually I just skip over these links. But something about the upbeat way Australian Justin Bieber was singing
made me, this time, to curiously take a peek. The title of this first blog I
read was...I Quit! And involved the blogger suddenly quitting her job with no
immediate back up plan, just because she felt it was right! HOW COOL RIGHT?!!! Now
I barely knew this particular blogger/facebook friend/girl/woman/inspirational
English teacher who, in less than a week, had helped shape me into a good
enough teacher to be able to stand in front of a hundred Italian children and
sing and dance to a song about a banana (a song I became obsessed with), but
after reading through this particular blog and finding how much it related to,
in a way, the particular situation that I am in right now, I wasn’t surprised
to find myself hours later still reading these blogs. WHO KNEW BLOGS COULD BE
INSPIRING?!!... Said the caterpillar to the side of his cocoon.
They made me think, they made me laugh, they made me worry for
a brief minute that perhaps these bloggers are just the type of FACEBOOK like
friends that my parents would instantly dislike. But perhaps that’s why I liked
them. They put me in such a good mood I completely forgot about my ever nearing
exams, and they made me realise, the feeling that had been distracting me the
most from my studies, a feeling which had been pushed aside by the want to keep
my parents happy and the fear of failure, was the feeling that was trying to
tell me what I have to do after these intense few weeks, after I’m rid of this
degree...WHAT I WANT TO DO!!!
I want to travel, see the world, and teach English abroad to
kids, meeting amazing new people all the time, so why shouldn’t I? I know it’s
a cliché but LIFE IS SHORT!!! Why should I settle for a safe, consistent job,
that I may or may not enjoy for the rest of my life, when I could be off
travelling AND teaching at the same time? Maybe it’s a mistake, and maybe I’ll
end up coming home and doing what my parents originally wanted, but it’s my
mistake to make I believe, and at this point in my life it just feels right! So after reading these blogs maybe I will write
down my adventures every step of the way...so that one day maybe, JUST MAYBE,
someone will come across my insane sribblings of a life, while in a situation
of confusion and not sure whether to burst out of that cocoon or just curl up
in there, and think ‘’WOW’’, and become inspired to do exactly what they want
to do in life.
So here I am...ironically after writing enough words that if
only I’d put that amount of effort and words into finishing off an essay about
how technology influenced artists’ work in early 20th century Italy,
I’d be one step closer to bursting out of my own cocoon...but instead I’ve got
this jumble of thoughts, that perhaps are my own or one day someone else’s inspiration
(who really cares how a few fella’s from early 20th century Italy
were influenced anyway, THIS IS MY TIME),
and that this may just be the beginning of my very own blog...a new
adventure!!!
Thanks Mr Simpson!!!
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